1
00:00:13,852 --> 00:00:16,480
You know what my first memory is?
2
00:00:16,647 --> 00:00:18,732
Feeling special.
3
00:00:18,899 --> 00:00:21,735
The first time I pooped,
there was applause.
4
00:00:21,902 --> 00:00:25,864
When we scribbled something in crayon,
it was a Picasso.
5
00:00:26,031 --> 00:00:28,033
Gold stickers for everyone.
6
00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:33,455
C in gym? Perfect attendance?
"Hey, here's 100 bucks."
7
00:00:33,622 --> 00:00:35,749
When we hit a new level on Wave Race,
8
00:00:35,916 --> 00:00:38,335
it was like we won the Olympics.
9
00:00:38,502 --> 00:00:41,755
For kids of my generation,
strike three meant one thing:
10
00:00:43,924 --> 00:00:45,592
take your base.
11
00:00:45,759 --> 00:00:48,345
Look out, world.
Here we come.
12
00:00:52,516 --> 00:00:55,185
Closer, closer, closer.
There we go.
13
00:00:56,603 --> 00:00:59,773
- Look at that.
- You are so cute together.
14
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:02,109
Adorable.
So, Jillian,
15
00:01:02,276 --> 00:01:05,362
Will tells us that you are going to
start working at Johnson and Johnson.
16
00:01:05,529 --> 00:01:08,865
- That's fantastic!
- Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited to start.
17
00:01:09,032 --> 00:01:11,118
Sales Analyst.
It sounds so impressive.
18
00:01:11,285 --> 00:01:14,788
Junior Sales Analyst. But the "Junior"
is gonna be gone by Christmas.
19
00:01:15,789 --> 00:01:18,333
And Will's finally being paid
at LA Weekly.
20
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,876
- Way to go, you two.
- I know.
21
00:01:20,043 --> 00:01:22,045
I told you guys,
we're a power couple.
22
00:01:23,046 --> 00:01:25,382
Will, there's a little something
to get you started.
23
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:31,805
WOW!
24
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:33,682
Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, Mom.
25
00:01:33,849 --> 00:01:37,728
Will, did I ever tell you
what my first job was?
26
00:01:37,894 --> 00:01:40,147
Was it, by any chance, stacking crates
of tomatoes in a warehouse, Dad?
27
00:01:40,314 --> 00:01:41,565
Correct.
28
00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:44,484
Must have been 100 degrees
in that warehouse.
29
00:01:44,651 --> 00:01:46,653
- You know what got me through?
- I'm gonna go with air conditioning.
30
00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:48,864
Air conditioning.
31
00:01:49,031 --> 00:01:51,283
There was one office
that was air conditioned.
32
00:01:51,450 --> 00:01:52,993
High above the floor.
33
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,662
It was for the warehouse supervisor.
34
00:01:55,829 --> 00:01:58,081
And I told myself right then and there,
35
00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:01,752
"I don't know how I'm gonna do it,
but I'm going to get to that office."
36
00:02:01,918 --> 00:02:04,254
Didn't that guy have
a heart attack, Dad?
37
00:02:05,047 --> 00:02:08,634
It was an aneurysm.
The point is, I worked my way up
38
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,220
until I was in charge of the entire
North American supply chain.
39
00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:15,015
I am proof there's nothing
you can't achieve.
40
00:02:15,182 --> 00:02:17,643
Exactly, and that's why
I'm saying this LA Weekly thing
41
00:02:17,809 --> 00:02:19,394
is really just a springboard for me.
42
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,146
'Cause, I mean, I'm gonna dominate
their Web edition.
43
00:02:21,313 --> 00:02:24,066
I've got videos, live blogging,
interactive content.
44
00:02:24,232 --> 00:02:27,653
- I'm building my brand.
- Brand?
45
00:02:36,328 --> 00:02:38,080
- You spent the money on a TV?
- Yeah.
46
00:02:38,246 --> 00:02:40,290
That's one of the largest televisions
available on the market today.
47
00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:42,751
Seventy inches. What?
48
00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:46,004
You want to know why
we're not living together? Exhibit A.
49
00:02:46,963 --> 00:02:49,508
Hey, J. La.
Was that your sister at graduation?
50
00:02:49,675 --> 00:02:51,259
- No.
- Are you sure?
51
00:02:52,594 --> 00:02:55,305
I saw her, like, hugging your parents
and giving your dad a little--
52
00:02:55,472 --> 00:02:57,099
I mean, can I get her phone number?
53
00:02:57,265 --> 00:03:00,227
- Is this the iStalkU?
- It's the iSearchU.
54
00:03:00,394 --> 00:03:03,146
- If you could just mind your business.
- What is iStalkU?
55
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,940
The iSearchU?
56
00:03:05,107 --> 00:03:07,234
It's just an app that I'm developing.
57
00:03:07,401 --> 00:03:09,986
Say there's a person that you want to
find, but they don't want to be found.
58
00:03:10,153 --> 00:03:12,739
Like, there's this girl,
and you've called her a million times,
59
00:03:12,906 --> 00:03:14,533
and she just won't return
your messages.
60
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:17,327
My app allows you to send them
a text message and...
61
00:03:18,745 --> 00:03:20,622
receive back their exact location.
62
00:03:20,789 --> 00:03:25,043
So there's nowhere to hide,
Jillian's sister. Nowhere.
63
00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:27,045
No, you cannot have her number.
64
00:03:27,212 --> 00:03:29,089
I'll find your sister.
65
00:03:29,256 --> 00:03:31,133
You're gonna end up in iJail
getting iRaped.
66
00:03:31,299 --> 00:03:34,177
And I'm gonna handle the iStock IPO!
67
00:03:36,221 --> 00:03:37,848
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
68
00:03:38,014 --> 00:03:40,308
- You don't even have a job.
- I got a business degree.
69
00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:42,811
Unlike Broke Nuts over here,
I have marketable skills.
70
00:03:42,978 --> 00:03:45,063
Unlike you, Broke Nuts has a job.
71
00:03:45,230 --> 00:03:47,858
I have nine interviews this week.
72
00:03:50,026 --> 00:03:52,612
Today, it's Morgan Stanley...
73
00:03:54,322 --> 00:03:55,824
and Great Pacific.
74
00:03:56,825 --> 00:03:59,035
I love you all.
Get your lives together.
75
00:03:59,202 --> 00:04:00,704
- Good luck, dude.
- Good luck.
76
00:04:00,871 --> 00:04:05,000
Excuse me, ma'am.
Would you like to be my guest?
77
00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:08,086
Hi, have we met?
I'm Jillian.
78
00:04:08,253 --> 00:04:11,047
- God.
- Stop booing me, Charlie.
79
00:04:11,214 --> 00:04:13,216
Just one time.
Just smoke with me.
80
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,177
Make an exception.
We're celebrating.
81
00:04:15,343 --> 00:04:19,639
- Charlie got a job today.
- McDonald's or Taco Bell?
82
00:04:22,684 --> 00:04:24,936
Middle school chemistry teacher.
83
00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:30,192
I weep for our future.
84
00:04:45,123 --> 00:04:48,293
Fuck me in the ass!
Fuck me!
85
00:04:53,924 --> 00:04:55,300
Hey, Brian.
86
00:04:56,384 --> 00:04:58,929
Hey, Will.
Looking good, buddy.
87
00:05:00,305 --> 00:05:02,641
We don't have a job for you.
88
00:05:03,642 --> 00:05:06,394
- What do you mean?
- I mean, we don't have a job for you.
89
00:05:06,561 --> 00:05:07,646
We've downsized.
90
00:05:09,481 --> 00:05:10,982
Yeah, but I'm perfect for this job.
91
00:05:11,149 --> 00:05:13,902
I'm sorry, Will.
Thank you very much.
92
00:05:15,028 --> 00:05:17,280
Look, Brian, I got three Webisodes
all ready to upload--
93
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,783
"Where to Find the Best Beef Machaca,"
"How to Bike the LA River,"
94
00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:22,202
and "Why Ultimate Frisbee
is More Complex Than Chess."
95
00:05:22,369 --> 00:05:25,121
You're not alone.
I had to let eight people go last week.
96
00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:28,542
Why didn't you tell me?
97
00:05:29,835 --> 00:05:33,338
Honestly, with everything going on
around here, I just forgot.
98
00:05:33,505 --> 00:05:34,798
Good.
99
00:05:37,676 --> 00:05:41,304
You forgot? I spent two summers
interning here for free
100
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:44,891
so that I could have a job waiting
for me after graduation, and you forgot.
101
00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:46,685
Look, I've already told everybody
about this job.
102
00:05:46,852 --> 00:05:50,188
I told my friends and my family and my
parents about this job, and you forgot!
103
00:05:50,355 --> 00:05:52,691
Well, guess what, Brian?
You can't do this kind of shit, man!
104
00:05:52,858 --> 00:05:54,818
I deserve to be treated
a little better than this.
105
00:05:54,985 --> 00:05:57,904
And I think you owe me
a little more than "I forgot."
106
00:06:08,915 --> 00:06:10,333
I don't owe you shit.
107
00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:16,798
"Systems administrator"?
No.
108
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:18,550
"Nuclear pipe technician"?
109
00:06:18,717 --> 00:06:20,844
No, you haven't laid
that much pipe, so...
110
00:06:21,011 --> 00:06:23,221
I've laid a lot of pipe, Charles.
Ask your mother.
111
00:06:23,388 --> 00:06:24,848
Sick burn.
112
00:06:25,849 --> 00:06:29,019
- "Unemployment benefits administrator."
- Yeah, dude, that one.
113
00:06:29,185 --> 00:06:31,021
That'd be ironic.
114
00:06:31,187 --> 00:06:33,398
It's not ironic if it's all the time.
115
00:06:33,565 --> 00:06:35,692
You know what's all the time?
Ball taps and kills.
116
00:06:35,859 --> 00:06:38,862
Dude, don't play dirty, man.
Don't play dirty.
117
00:06:39,029 --> 00:06:40,989
Oh, shit.
118
00:06:41,156 --> 00:06:44,159
Dude, I honestly have no idea
what any of this shit means.
119
00:06:44,326 --> 00:06:46,995
Well, you better figure it out soon.
The rent is due Friday.
120
00:06:47,162 --> 00:06:50,874
I know. I just need something to keep
the lights on until I find my dream job.
121
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:53,877
I don't think you can
monetize masturbation.
122
00:06:55,086 --> 00:06:56,630
It was too good.
123
00:06:57,631 --> 00:07:00,258
Oh, here's something
in the hospitality industry.
124
00:07:01,259 --> 00:07:03,595
You don't have any sort
of medical degree.
125
00:07:13,772 --> 00:07:17,359
Okay, there's a gun in the drawer,
but you probably won't need it.
126
00:07:17,525 --> 00:07:19,402
All right.
Good night, kid.
127
00:07:23,448 --> 00:07:26,785
There are Negroes on this boat!
128
00:07:26,952 --> 00:07:28,703
I'm sorry to hear that.
129
00:07:31,998 --> 00:07:34,000
You the new guy?
130
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,044
- Yeah, I am new.
- Skeezy D.
131
00:07:37,128 --> 00:07:38,338
Will.
132
00:07:41,174 --> 00:07:43,635
Three rooms.
Keep the change.
133
00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:47,013
Girl, you better treat this man right.
134
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,723
He was in Vietnam.
135
00:07:48,890 --> 00:07:50,308
Korea.
136
00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:52,686
Get in there and bust a nut,
Hawkeye Pierce!
137
00:07:53,770 --> 00:07:58,066
Hell, Cheryl's one of my best girls.
138
00:07:58,233 --> 00:08:01,277
- Hard worker?
- That pussy comes correct.
139
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,156
- Where'd you meet her?
- Met her at my last gig.
140
00:08:05,323 --> 00:08:08,827
- Which-- where was that?
- Borders.
141
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:13,164
Borders--
Borders bookstore?
142
00:08:13,331 --> 00:08:15,792
Listen, man,
shit went sideways, okay?
143
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,670
Everybody was out of work.
I had to get out of there real quick.
144
00:08:18,837 --> 00:08:21,131
So, why "Skeezy D"?
145
00:08:24,426 --> 00:08:28,638
Men who hire prostitutes
aren't paying them for sex, Will.
146
00:08:28,805 --> 00:08:32,350
They're paying for danger.
147
00:08:32,517 --> 00:08:35,311
They're paying to feel alive.
148
00:08:36,396 --> 00:08:39,983
Hey, motherfucker,
you better pay my bitch what you owe.
149
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:47,574
They're paying
for a certain joie de vivre.
150
00:08:50,118 --> 00:08:51,411
That's French.
151
00:09:12,348 --> 00:09:14,642
I'm not resisting arrest.
Okay, I'm not resisting arrest.
152
00:09:14,809 --> 00:09:17,312
Okay, I'm not resisting arrest.
I'm not.
153
00:09:17,479 --> 00:09:19,147
I'm not. I'm not.
154
00:09:19,314 --> 00:09:21,107
Hey, bitch, we had a deal!
155
00:09:21,274 --> 00:09:23,401
You were renting out rooms to hookers?
156
00:09:23,568 --> 00:09:25,111
- Skeezy said they're here every--
- No, no.
157
00:09:25,278 --> 00:09:27,113
That's not the kind of establishment
I'm running here.
158
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,449
Read the sign there, kid.
It says "No prostitution."
159
00:09:29,616 --> 00:09:32,118
That clearly includes hookers.
160
00:09:32,285 --> 00:09:34,537
You're fired.
161
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:38,374
I'm sorry, Officer. I just got to be
a little more careful about who I hire.
162
00:09:38,541 --> 00:09:40,543
- You do that.
- Yeah. Will do. Will do.
163
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,088
Thanks for everything you do, Officer.
164
00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:46,382
Sorry, kid.
165
00:09:46,549 --> 00:09:48,676
Shit rolls downhill.
You know what I'm saying?
166
00:09:48,843 --> 00:09:52,347
You get it. You get it.
You'll be all right.
167
00:09:53,473 --> 00:09:55,475
Son of a bitch!
168
00:09:59,437 --> 00:10:01,064
Hey.Dad?
169
00:10:02,107 --> 00:10:03,983
I gotta ask you for money.
170
00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:07,070
Will, you're a grown-up now.
171
00:10:07,237 --> 00:10:09,322
I'm not gonna give you
any more money.
172
00:10:09,489 --> 00:10:11,074
Dad, what am I supposed to do?
173
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:13,618
You want me to go
sell my body on the street?
174
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:16,538
Enough of the life lessons here, man.
I am broke.
175
00:10:16,704 --> 00:10:19,541
- I literally have no money for anything.
- I lost my job.
176
00:10:23,086 --> 00:10:24,379
Are you serious?
177
00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:25,755
Afraid so.
178
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:27,257
Afraid so.
179
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,427
Well, what happened?
180
00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:36,808
Apparently, I was so successful
at streamlining the beverage supply chain
181
00:10:36,975 --> 00:10:39,352
that I made my own job obsolete.
182
00:10:41,437 --> 00:10:44,274
So, what are you gonna do?
183
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,484
I'm going to get a job!
184
00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:49,696
I'm gonna follow my ABC's,
stay positive,
185
00:10:49,863 --> 00:10:52,198
and in the interim, look!
186
00:10:52,365 --> 00:10:54,951
I can tackle all the chores
I never had time for.
187
00:11:08,381 --> 00:11:10,383
You guys gotta get your lives together.
188
00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:14,095
Top 1%, here I come, baby!
189
00:11:15,597 --> 00:11:17,765
Hey, this guy got a job.
190
00:11:17,932 --> 00:11:21,352
It's called Top Deck Securities.
I start clerking next month.
191
00:11:21,519 --> 00:11:24,397
If I kick ass,
I'll be making trades by December.
192
00:11:24,564 --> 00:11:28,109
From this point on, it's gonna be
coffee and cocaine for me, baby.
193
00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:30,278
Do you take change for dollars?
194
00:11:30,445 --> 00:11:32,155
No, no. Keep it.
You worked hard.
195
00:11:32,322 --> 00:11:34,324
You've got an incredible
amount of torque.
196
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,662
You deserve so much more money
than this,
197
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,540
but I'm on a teacher's salary.
198
00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:48,338
If you want to see the show,
you gotta pay for it.
199
00:11:48,504 --> 00:11:51,424
No, I'm just here for the free buffet.
200
00:11:51,591 --> 00:11:56,600
The buffet is free 'cause you're supposed
to be spending money on me.
201
00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:58,435
Cammy, are you helping him out
with his Twitter feed, too?
202
00:11:58,602 --> 00:12:00,396
Oh, Rog doesn't need any help.
203
00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:03,440
Yeah? I think Rog needs
a little bit of help.
204
00:12:03,607 --> 00:12:07,820
"My friend Jim lost his mother
yesterday. LOL, Jim."
205
00:12:07,987 --> 00:12:09,947
What? "Lots of love."
206
00:12:10,114 --> 00:12:12,366
It's okay.
You want another one, Rog?
207
00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:14,869
Keep them coming.
Oh, one for Will, too, please.
208
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,121
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm okay, whoever you are.
209
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,206
So, what's up?
210
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:22,126
Well, my supervisor's back from leave,
and she is a total ballbuster.
211
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:23,961
I mean, she was on my ass
about my e-mails,
212
00:12:24,128 --> 00:12:26,046
and my Facebook page,
and how I dress in front of everybody.
213
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,132
It was humiliating.
214
00:12:28,299 --> 00:12:30,384
Wait, this isn't how you dress
at work, is it?
215
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:33,762
Dad, I'm the video guy.
Who cares what I look like?
216
00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:37,141
Look, just stop, okay?
Stop for a second.
217
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:41,937
Your clients pay $30,000
for your services.
218
00:12:42,104 --> 00:12:43,564
They care what you look like.
219
00:12:43,731 --> 00:12:46,901
You need to conform to their standards,
not the other way around.
220
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:50,696
And the fact that you can't grasp that
is mind-boggling!
221
00:12:52,114 --> 00:12:53,240
What is up with you?
222
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:56,744
What is up with me is,
I've sent out hundreds of résumés,
223
00:12:56,911 --> 00:12:59,163
and I've gotten only three interviews.
224
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:02,499
What is up with me is,
I don't want to hear you bitch and moan
225
00:13:02,666 --> 00:13:05,586
that your employer makes you act
in a professional manner.
226
00:13:05,753 --> 00:13:07,171
That is what's up with me.
227
00:13:07,338 --> 00:13:09,506
Okay, Dad, well, look,
I'm sorry for telling you how I feel.
228
00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:12,468
I didn't know just because I have a job and
you don't that you wouldn't listen to me.
229
00:13:12,635 --> 00:13:16,764
Oh, I'm listening, all right,
but all I hear is a spoiled little brat!
230
00:13:17,932 --> 00:13:19,058
Okay.
231
00:13:22,061 --> 00:13:23,354
You look like Billy Mays.
232
00:13:26,148 --> 00:13:28,448
- I look like Willie Mays?
- You look like Billy Mays!
233
00:13:28,448 --> 00:13:29,449
Go, mi amigo.
234
00:13:29,616 --> 00:13:31,952
Wait, did you pull that for me?
235
00:13:32,119 --> 00:13:33,787
Go to tu papa.
236
00:13:45,507 --> 00:13:48,009
- Hurry up!
- He's at Millennium Plaza.
237
00:13:49,469 --> 00:13:50,679
How do you know?
238
00:13:51,805 --> 00:13:53,807
IStalkU, motherfucker!
239
00:14:03,775 --> 00:14:06,778
You can't wait here, sir.
Why don't you find a Starbucks?
240
00:14:06,945 --> 00:14:09,364
Why don't you find
a suck-my-cock-bucks?
241
00:14:11,199 --> 00:14:14,661
Sorry.
That was uncalled for.
242
00:14:15,579 --> 00:14:17,038
Where are we going?
243
00:14:17,205 --> 00:14:19,249
It's saying he's, like, around...
244
00:14:22,502 --> 00:14:23,920
I shouldn't have said what I said.
245
00:14:24,087 --> 00:14:26,715
But I'd like to let you know
that if you call Pearl,
246
00:14:26,882 --> 00:14:29,217
Pearl knows me
and you just tell her...
247
00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:31,553
Hey, hey!
That's my dad.
248
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,597
- Will?
- Whatever he did, if you just let him go,
249
00:14:33,763 --> 00:14:36,099
I promise I'll get him home safely.
250
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:39,019
Look, please, sir.
Don't embarrass him anymore.
251
00:14:39,895 --> 00:14:41,062
Please.
252
00:14:46,776 --> 00:14:48,278
Go on, Mr. Davis.
253
00:14:48,445 --> 00:14:49,654
Thank you.
254
00:14:54,784 --> 00:14:57,746
Wait a minute. That's--
That's Gentry.
255
00:14:57,913 --> 00:15:02,376
That's him.
That's the decision maker.
256
00:15:02,543 --> 00:15:04,420
It's like legal hash.
257
00:15:05,462 --> 00:15:06,714
I'm Cammy.
What's your name?
258
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,049
- Roger.
- Roger that.
259
00:15:10,801 --> 00:15:12,553
Oh, to go, please.
260
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:15,931
Hello?
261
00:15:16,807 --> 00:15:19,935
Oh, hey, honey.
How are you?
262
00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:21,687
I'm at the office.
263
00:15:23,105 --> 00:15:24,982
Oh, that music?
Yeah, well, I...
264
00:15:25,149 --> 00:15:27,151
That's...
265
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,695
You know Jerry.
He's just trying to jazz up his--
266
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,780
I should get back
to that meeting, honey.
267
00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:33,782
I'll see you in a few hours, okay?
268
00:15:33,949 --> 00:15:36,285
I love you too. Bye.
269
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,541
That was my wife.
270
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:48,005
Well, look, we have free Wi-Fi
and three-prong outlets out the wazoo.
271
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,424
So...
272
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,553
And don't worry, Rog.
273
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,306
No one here has a job.
274
00:16:23,123 --> 00:16:26,168
You children may begin.
275
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:30,464
Now, the goal of this experiment
is to create an even coating,
276
00:16:30,631 --> 00:16:34,343
no excess charring,
and no cold spots.
277
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:36,512
I mean it, Dayjon.
278
00:16:36,678 --> 00:16:39,723
And remember, don't stare in the flame
for too long, because it will...
279
00:16:41,183 --> 00:16:43,644
steal your soul.
280
00:16:43,811 --> 00:16:45,813
Let me see that. Yeah.
281
00:16:55,531 --> 00:16:58,075
That is close to perfection.
282
00:16:58,242 --> 00:17:01,662
- Mr. Baxter?
- Stop calling me that!
283
00:17:01,829 --> 00:17:03,372
It's Charlie, okay?
284
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:06,250
Okay, Charlie.
285
00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:09,670
Why do all of our experiments
involve making food?
286
00:17:09,837 --> 00:17:13,590
I get the munchies after free period.
287
00:17:13,757 --> 00:17:18,470
- Any more questions, Sergeant Buzzkill?
- No.
288
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,431
- Mr. Baxter?
- It's Charlie!
289
00:17:20,597 --> 00:17:22,516
My sixth grade basketball coach
just quit.
290
00:17:22,683 --> 00:17:24,268
You interested in the position?
291
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:27,771
I'm sorry, do I look like someone
with free time on his hands?
292
00:17:27,938 --> 00:17:29,356
It's an extra $100 a week.
293
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,444
They will prosper under my tutelage.
294
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,742
Tanya Sellers, Human Resources.
295
00:17:40,909 --> 00:17:42,578
Sorry it took me so long
to get back to you.
296
00:17:42,744 --> 00:17:45,998
We received close to 1,000 resumes
for the videographer position.
297
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,083
I was just glad that you called.
298
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:50,127
Katherine Dunn oversees
our video services,
299
00:17:50,294 --> 00:17:52,296
but she's in China
on a leadership conference,
300
00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:55,716
so you get a nonstop flight
to the decision maker himself,
301
00:17:55,883 --> 00:17:57,301
Lawrence Wilheimer.
302
00:17:57,468 --> 00:17:58,677
He's a legend in executive placement.
303
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,762
He revolutionized the game.
304
00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:03,432
- Make sure you check out his package.
- His retirement package?
305
00:18:03,599 --> 00:18:06,768
His package-package.
He's hung like a fucking minotaur.
306
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,103
Fat.
307
00:18:12,566 --> 00:18:15,068
- William Davis.
- Yes, sir.
308
00:18:15,235 --> 00:18:18,947
"Vast experience in all aspects
of video production."
309
00:18:20,115 --> 00:18:21,909
Could you elaborate on that?
310
00:18:22,075 --> 00:18:23,702
Well, sir, for the past seven years,
311
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:26,497
I've been producing
original video content for YouTube.
312
00:18:27,623 --> 00:18:29,625
- YouTube?
- Yes, sir.
313
00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:33,253
I think YouTube is the perfect training
ground for producing video résumés
314
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:35,047
that really stand out from the crowd.
315
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:38,342
And clients of Southern California's
premiere executive placement firm
316
00:18:38,509 --> 00:18:40,093
deserve those kind of resumes.
317
00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,221
Ones that grab the employer's attention,
don't let go.
318
00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:44,014
Even if they say "uncle."
319
00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:47,643
So, hire William Davis,
and your clients will...
320
00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:54,858
Hire William Davis, and your clients
will rise above the rest of the...
321
00:18:55,025 --> 00:18:57,152
I'm so sorry about that.
Hire William Davis,
322
00:18:57,319 --> 00:18:59,988
and your clients will rise above and...
323
00:19:00,155 --> 00:19:02,658
That's what you want, right?
324
00:19:02,824 --> 00:19:04,201
My girlfriend and I are having a fight.
Do you mind if I...
325
00:19:04,201 --> 00:19:06,078
My girlfriend and I are having a fight.
Do you mind if I...
326
00:19:07,496 --> 00:19:10,249
What could be more important?
327
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,334
Thank you, sir.
That's what I'm saying.
328
00:19:14,336 --> 00:19:16,171
And send.
329
00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:17,839
So, where were we?
330
00:19:18,006 --> 00:19:20,759
I was showing you the door,
Mr. Davis.
331
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,135
That's it over there.
332
00:19:26,515 --> 00:19:28,433
Okay. Thank you.
333
00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:34,314
Look, sir, I don't think--
334
00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:36,775
I don't know if this is the exact
subject matter that you're looking for,
335
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:39,027
but I think that this really
showcases my abilities
336
00:19:39,194 --> 00:19:40,862
to recognize what's unique
about an individual
337
00:19:41,029 --> 00:19:44,283
and how to foreground that
for the marketplace.
338
00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:48,579
What is your business philosophy?
339
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,666
It is all about customer satisfaction.
340
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:57,504
We are basically
the Burlington Coat Factory of bitches.
341
00:19:57,671 --> 00:20:00,424
I got bitches on layaway,
you know what I'm saying?
342
00:20:00,591 --> 00:20:03,051
For$599,
you can mark down a bitch.
343
00:20:03,218 --> 00:20:06,555
All right, hey, just, you know,
be careful with it, man.
344
00:20:07,097 --> 00:20:09,266
I really don't like these guys.
345
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:11,935
Watch your fingerprints.
Are you serious?
346
00:20:12,102 --> 00:20:14,271
That's a big-boy TV.
Come on, man.
347
00:20:14,438 --> 00:20:17,649
- Use an HDMI cord. Don't use--
- Thanks, bro.
348
00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:19,401
Take care of my TV, bro.
349
00:20:21,111 --> 00:20:24,781
- Yeah, this is Will.
- Will, Tanya, from Wilheimer.
350
00:20:24,948 --> 00:20:28,118
- Are you calling about my interview?
- Sure am.
351
00:20:28,285 --> 00:20:31,330
- Mr. Wilheimer pressing charges?
- You're in, player!
352
00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:33,123
- What?
- You're in.
353
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,916
Starting salary is $26,000,
354
00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:37,961
partial health benefits
kick in after 90 days.
355
00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:39,963
Wait, are you saying
that I have a job?
356
00:20:40,130 --> 00:20:41,298
That's what I'm saying.
357
00:20:41,465 --> 00:20:43,842
Wait, wait, wait!
358
00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:48,847
Hello, you got good news.
359
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:52,351
Tell Will he gets the job
as soon as he passes a drug test.
360
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:54,770
Drug test?
ls it multiple choice?
361
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:58,357
Hey, what's up, Dad?
362
00:21:01,443 --> 00:21:02,444
What's going on?
363
00:21:02,611 --> 00:21:03,612
I got a job.
364
00:21:03,779 --> 00:21:05,781
Hey!
365
00:21:05,947 --> 00:21:07,824
- That's great!
- I know.
366
00:21:07,991 --> 00:21:10,118
It's at this place called Wilheimer.
They do job placement.
367
00:21:10,285 --> 00:21:13,038
Oh, yeah.
I've heard good things.
368
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,707
I just need one thing...
369
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:18,627
and I'm good to go.
370
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:21,046
- You're smoking pot?
- I'm an occasional user!
371
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:22,881
I never smoke and drive!
372
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:26,760
And you want me to urinate into this bottle
so that you can pass a drug test?
373
00:21:26,927 --> 00:21:29,638
- Goddamn it!
- Dad, look, there's no one else I can ask.
374
00:21:29,805 --> 00:21:33,100
I'm hanging by a thread with Jillian, plus
they might be able to screen for gender.
375
00:21:33,266 --> 00:21:36,645
Ethan is tainted, Luke is unclean,
and Charlie's radioactive.
376
00:21:36,812 --> 00:21:38,021
What am I supposed to do?
377
00:21:38,188 --> 00:21:39,439
Get new friends!
378
00:21:39,606 --> 00:21:40,941
I have a job.
379
00:21:41,108 --> 00:21:42,651
I've a real job for a real company.
380
00:21:42,818 --> 00:21:44,653
The kind of job that you've
been bugging me to get for years.
381
00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:46,863
And if I don't produce
an immaculate cup of urine,
382
00:21:47,030 --> 00:21:49,866
it's back to the unemployment line.
ls that what you want?
383
00:21:50,033 --> 00:21:52,411
No, it's not what I want.
You know that.
384
00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:55,205
I just don't feel comfortable doing this.
385
00:21:55,789 --> 00:21:57,207
Okay.
386
00:21:57,374 --> 00:21:58,709
Air conditioning, so--
387
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:01,086
- No.
- It was 100 degrees in that warehouse,
388
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:03,088
and you did whatever it took
to get off the floor.
389
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,632
And that's what I'm doing.
That's what I'm doing.
390
00:22:05,799 --> 00:22:07,592
I'm doing what you told me.
391
00:22:34,828 --> 00:22:36,705
What happened to you?
392
00:22:36,872 --> 00:22:38,957
Hey, I just pulled a hammy.
393
00:22:39,124 --> 00:22:40,834
- Pounding box?
- What?
394
00:22:41,001 --> 00:22:43,170
Pounding box?
Putting it in that pussy.
395
00:22:43,336 --> 00:22:44,796
Giving it to her. Yeah.
396
00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:47,299
No, I was hitting the gym.
397
00:22:48,383 --> 00:22:51,219
- Hitting those weights.
- All right.
398
00:22:51,386 --> 00:22:53,513
- Ready to make it rain?
- Ready as I'll ever be.
399
00:22:57,851 --> 00:22:59,394
What are you doing?
400
00:22:59,561 --> 00:23:02,773
I'm required to be in here,
in case you try some monkey business.
401
00:23:02,939 --> 00:23:05,901
Okay. Are you gonna
come in the stall with me too?
402
00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:09,112
No stall, baby doll.
You gotta rock outwith that cock out.
403
00:23:09,279 --> 00:23:11,740
I'll just be right behind here,
listening close.
404
00:23:11,907 --> 00:23:15,118
Okay, I kind of have a shy bladder.
405
00:23:15,285 --> 00:23:18,413
Oh, that's too bad,
because you have 30 seconds.
406
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:19,998
Starting now!
407
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:26,838
If you're having trouble,
just think of waterfalls!
408
00:23:28,381 --> 00:23:32,844
Or, like, fire hoses just
blasting water out.
409
00:23:33,929 --> 00:23:37,265
22, 21--
410
00:23:37,432 --> 00:23:40,018
Think of, like, things gushing!
411
00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:42,020
Or, like, squirting.
412
00:23:42,187 --> 00:23:44,397
18, 17--
413
00:23:44,564 --> 00:23:48,944
You know, I'm a squirter, but only if I'm,
like, comfortable with a person.
414
00:23:50,946 --> 00:23:54,825
Ten, nine, eight,
415
00:23:54,991 --> 00:23:59,162
seven, six, five...
416
00:23:59,329 --> 00:24:00,997
All right, that's enough!
I'm coming in!
417
00:24:02,249 --> 00:24:03,333
Got it!
418
00:24:04,835 --> 00:24:06,336
Hi-ho, Silver.
419
00:24:09,673 --> 00:24:11,049
WOW!
420
00:24:17,138 --> 00:24:20,183
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
421
00:24:21,601 --> 00:24:24,020
Man, I should get a job more often.
422
00:24:24,187 --> 00:24:26,773
- Fuck, yeah!
- Fuck, yeah! That was awesome.
423
00:24:27,983 --> 00:24:29,568
I have something else for you.
424
00:24:29,734 --> 00:24:30,861
Back door?
425
00:24:31,027 --> 00:24:32,696
- Yeah, I'll go get my strap-on.
- Okay.
426
00:24:32,863 --> 00:24:34,030
You love it!
427
00:24:37,075 --> 00:24:38,743
What is this?
428
00:24:43,832 --> 00:24:45,834
Can I see it?
429
00:24:46,001 --> 00:24:48,003
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
430
00:24:49,754 --> 00:24:51,006
On, baby.
431
00:24:53,925 --> 00:24:56,845
My unique skill set allows me
to seamlessly integrate
432
00:24:57,012 --> 00:24:59,306
into a range of management structures,
433
00:24:59,472 --> 00:25:03,101
which makes me highly employable
in today's marketplace.
434
00:25:04,269 --> 00:25:07,981
Mainly I've found that dealing
with people is my best skill.
435
00:25:08,732 --> 00:25:11,359
I have a lot of charisma.
436
00:25:14,029 --> 00:25:17,866
An ordinary man takes everything
as a blessing or a curse.
437
00:25:18,033 --> 00:25:21,077
A warrior takes it as a challenge.
438
00:25:22,579 --> 00:25:24,331
Who are you?
439
00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:35,967
Exciting stuff.
440
00:25:36,134 --> 00:25:37,385
Yeah, it's riveting.
441
00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:41,890
Just follow the boilerplate,
and you'll be fine.
442
00:25:42,057 --> 00:25:45,352
Clients choose from three backgrounds.
Skyline.
443
00:25:45,518 --> 00:25:49,898
There's also Corner Office
and Bookshelf.
444
00:25:50,065 --> 00:25:52,400
Corner Office and Bookshelf.
Got it.
445
00:25:57,030 --> 00:25:59,074
I made a video in here once.
446
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,744
And I'm not the only one.
447
00:26:02,911 --> 00:26:05,246
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
448
00:26:05,413 --> 00:26:07,707
Oh, Mr. Wilheimer, I wanted
to thank you for this opportunity.
449
00:26:07,874 --> 00:26:10,919
Oh, well, always on the lookout
for fresh talent, Will.
450
00:26:11,086 --> 00:26:12,420
Just one thing.
451
00:26:12,587 --> 00:26:15,256
Could you put me in touch
with that fellow from your video?
452
00:26:15,423 --> 00:26:17,092
The...
453
00:26:20,387 --> 00:26:22,263
Yes, sir.
In six months to a year.
454
00:26:24,391 --> 00:26:26,893
Depending on good behavior.
455
00:26:41,116 --> 00:26:44,119
What the fuck?
What the fuck!
456
00:26:45,829 --> 00:26:48,373
How is it possible to be this bad?
457
00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:50,125
Ball.
458
00:26:51,376 --> 00:26:52,460
Okay.
459
00:26:53,586 --> 00:26:56,297
Kwan, let's review the basics.
460
00:26:56,464 --> 00:26:57,632
Give and go!
461
00:27:00,635 --> 00:27:02,137
Jesus Christ.
462
00:27:06,224 --> 00:27:09,769
Big Stuff, anyone ever show you
how to set a pick?
463
00:27:09,936 --> 00:27:10,979
No.
464
00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:16,776
Get ready to bring some pain.
465
00:27:25,368 --> 00:27:26,995
Hamilton!
466
00:27:27,162 --> 00:27:28,496
Come here!
467
00:27:29,914 --> 00:27:32,584
This is deer scent.
468
00:27:32,751 --> 00:27:34,961
I use it out in the wild when I hunt.
469
00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,630
I use it in here,
470
00:27:37,797 --> 00:27:41,676
when I think a clerk
is ready for his very own desk.
471
00:27:43,803 --> 00:27:45,055
Drink it.
472
00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:51,019
Hold it!
473
00:27:52,270 --> 00:27:54,439
I'm gonna go ahead and let him
make up his own mind.
474
00:27:56,066 --> 00:27:58,068
Do you want your own desk?
475
00:27:58,693 --> 00:28:01,196
Or do you want to be a fucking clerk
the rest of your life?
476
00:28:02,614 --> 00:28:04,199
Your call.
477
00:28:17,087 --> 00:28:18,505
Two-to-one he drinks the deer cum.
478
00:28:21,216 --> 00:28:23,051
Deer cum?
479
00:28:23,218 --> 00:28:25,428
Drink it.
Drink the deer cum.
480
00:28:25,595 --> 00:28:27,514
Deer cum.
481
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,517
Deer cum! Deer cum! Deer cum!
482
00:28:48,034 --> 00:28:51,412
Uh-oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I think it's coming back up.
483
00:28:51,579 --> 00:28:53,665
500 bucks says he gonna hurl.
484
00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:58,753
- Breathe.
- You like that nutty taste in your mouth?
485
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,547
Oh, that's Bambi batter.
486
00:29:01,589 --> 00:29:03,091
Give it to me.
487
00:29:03,258 --> 00:29:04,259
Roll it around.
488
00:29:23,570 --> 00:29:24,863
Awesome!
489
00:29:37,792 --> 00:29:39,294
Did you see the arc on that?
490
00:29:41,838 --> 00:29:43,131
You're my bitch.
491
00:29:43,298 --> 00:29:44,716
Hey, guys, you're gonna want
to pause the game for this.
492
00:29:44,883 --> 00:29:46,593
- Ethan, what are you doing, man?
- Come on, man!
493
00:29:46,759 --> 00:29:49,220
It's a game of Halo!
Relax, I've got something to show you.
494
00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:51,639
- Wait!
- Come on, move.
495
00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:54,559
This better be good.
496
00:29:58,563 --> 00:29:59,814
Oh, my God!
497
00:29:59,981 --> 00:30:01,900
Dude, I found some extra tubing
in my chem class.
498
00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:03,443
I put my little boys and girls to work.
499
00:30:03,610 --> 00:30:05,486
- Nice!
- What's the special occasion?
500
00:30:05,653 --> 00:30:07,155
Yeah, we're celebrating me
getting a desk.
501
00:30:07,322 --> 00:30:09,616
- Oh, that's right.
- And me buying an island.
502
00:30:09,782 --> 00:30:11,701
- You're not buying an island.
- No?
503
00:30:11,868 --> 00:30:13,912
Because I met someone who knows
Warren Buffett's bridge partner.
504
00:30:14,078 --> 00:30:16,164
I'm gonna offer him some stock
from my company
505
00:30:16,331 --> 00:30:18,583
in exchange for Warren Buffett's
cell phone number.
506
00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:21,252
I'm gonna iSearchU Warren Buffett,
pitch him my app,
507
00:30:21,419 --> 00:30:24,172
gain access to billions of dollars
in venture capital,
508
00:30:24,339 --> 00:30:27,342
buy my island,
and populate it with porn stars.
509
00:30:28,718 --> 00:30:29,802
I'm sorry I doubted you.
510
00:30:29,969 --> 00:30:32,347
- No, you didn't know the plan.
- I didn't know the plan.
511
00:30:33,890 --> 00:30:36,059
Rick. What's up, man?
512
00:30:39,354 --> 00:30:44,317
Oh, Will, this is Katherine Dunn,
Vice President of our Client Services.
513
00:30:44,484 --> 00:30:47,695
It's good to have you back.
Get ready to have your mind blown.
514
00:30:47,862 --> 00:30:50,365
Because I'm taking video resumes
to the next level.
515
00:30:50,531 --> 00:30:52,450
Okay? Ready for this?
516
00:30:57,372 --> 00:31:00,583
People think accountants are a bunch
of number-crunching nerds,
517
00:31:00,750 --> 00:31:02,210
but I'm a jazz buff.
518
00:31:02,377 --> 00:31:05,964
I like to think of the tax code
as my instrument.
519
00:31:33,741 --> 00:31:38,746
I'm Tom Wilson,
at tomwilsonaccountant.com.
520
00:31:42,208 --> 00:31:44,711
That was quite impactful.
521
00:31:44,877 --> 00:31:46,045
So, what do we think?
522
00:31:46,212 --> 00:31:47,505
I think it makes him seem youthful.
523
00:31:47,672 --> 00:31:49,841
Yeah, until now,
I always thought of Tom as a total dud.
524
00:31:53,428 --> 00:31:56,597
This is an executive placement firm,
Mr. Davis,
525
00:31:56,764 --> 00:31:59,017
not MTV.
526
00:31:59,183 --> 00:32:01,561
Yeah, nobody's going to hire this guy
because of his personality.
527
00:32:01,728 --> 00:32:03,980
Yeah, he needs to look professional.
528
00:32:04,147 --> 00:32:06,983
Everyone's always loved
the old résumés, so...
529
00:32:08,818 --> 00:32:10,695
You seem to have mistaken this video
530
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:14,907
as an opportunity
to express yourself, Mr. Davis.
531
00:32:15,074 --> 00:32:16,286
From now on, you will follow
the guidebook to the letter.
532
00:32:49,111 --> 00:32:50,320
Dad!
533
00:32:56,618 --> 00:32:57,619
Go!
534
00:33:02,833 --> 00:33:04,960
I was captain
of my Ultimate Frisbee team.
535
00:33:05,127 --> 00:33:06,336
Shut up!
536
00:33:06,503 --> 00:33:08,839
Hold it. Hold it!
537
00:33:09,006 --> 00:33:11,049
Hold it, hold it.
Thank you.
538
00:33:11,216 --> 00:33:13,093
No! Oh!
539
00:33:13,260 --> 00:33:14,595
Hold it, hold on!
540
00:33:22,853 --> 00:33:24,688
Mr. Gentry, my name
is Roger Davis.
541
00:33:25,772 --> 00:33:27,524
Stay away from me.
I'll call security.
542
00:33:27,691 --> 00:33:29,318
They know I'm here.
543
00:33:29,484 --> 00:33:32,362
Now, sir. I know you must think
that I'm psychotic.
544
00:33:32,529 --> 00:33:34,698
I'm not psychotic.
I'm not.
545
00:33:34,865 --> 00:33:37,576
I'm just a man
driven to desperation
546
00:33:38,993 --> 00:33:42,372
Wilheimer has an 85%
placement rate, Mr. Davis.
547
00:33:42,539 --> 00:33:44,624
- Wow!
- How do you think we make that number?
548
00:33:44,624 --> 00:33:45,250
- Wow!
- How do you think we make that number?
549
00:33:45,416 --> 00:33:47,877
- Well, I--
- That's a rhetorical question.
550
00:33:48,044 --> 00:33:52,006
While everyone else is out
there wasting their time,
551
00:33:52,173 --> 00:33:54,425
meeting mid-level HR hacks,
552
00:33:54,592 --> 00:33:58,012
Wilheimer will be putting you
in front of the person
553
00:33:58,179 --> 00:34:02,183
who can pull the trigger
and actually hire you.
554
00:34:04,269 --> 00:34:06,980
- The decision maker?
- The decision maker.
555
00:34:08,815 --> 00:34:11,859
- That's right. Well...
- I like it.
556
00:34:12,026 --> 00:34:14,279
Bottom line, how much
are we talking here?
557
00:34:14,445 --> 00:34:19,742
The Platinum Package
is a one-time fee of $30,000.
558
00:34:25,373 --> 00:34:28,209
No, seriously,
how much are we talking?
559
00:34:56,738 --> 00:34:58,197
Hey, there!
560
00:34:58,364 --> 00:35:01,034
- Tough day?
- What?
561
00:35:02,910 --> 00:35:04,495
No,no,no.
562
00:35:04,662 --> 00:35:08,207
A tough day is just
an unrealized great day.
563
00:35:10,043 --> 00:35:11,419
Well, then, I'm gonna hook you up
with some Rockin' Moroccan.
564
00:35:14,130 --> 00:35:16,257
I was there for the buffet.
565
00:35:17,634 --> 00:35:22,430
You are an employee
of this company, Mr. Davis.
566
00:35:22,597 --> 00:35:26,768
Your behavior must conform
to the exacting standards
567
00:35:26,934 --> 00:35:30,229
of the Wilheimer
Executive Placement Firm.
568
00:35:30,396 --> 00:35:32,774
- Is that understood?
- Understood.
569
00:35:32,940 --> 00:35:35,443
- Understood?
- Understood.
570
00:35:39,822 --> 00:35:41,741
Hi, Pearl. Roger Davis.
571
00:35:41,908 --> 00:35:43,743
Is Mr. Gentry in?
572
00:35:43,910 --> 00:35:45,703
He's not? Okay.
573
00:35:45,870 --> 00:35:49,123
Do you know if he's had a chance
to look at my resume yet?
574
00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,878
Regional Distribution Manager,
Scanner and Disk Duplicator Division?
575
00:35:55,505 --> 00:35:58,383
No. Okay.
576
00:36:00,051 --> 00:36:05,264
Do you know if he received the package
of Rockin' Moroccan coffee that...
577
00:36:05,431 --> 00:36:08,601
Oh, hello?
Okay, why don't you hang up first?
578
00:36:12,563 --> 00:36:14,357
- Hey!
- Hey.
579
00:36:14,524 --> 00:36:15,858
Hi. buddy!
580
00:36:16,859 --> 00:36:19,404
Come on into my office here.
581
00:36:19,570 --> 00:36:21,155
Cammy, come on over.
582
00:36:21,322 --> 00:36:23,950
This is Will.
Will, this is my friend, Cammy.
583
00:36:24,117 --> 00:36:26,285
Hey, Will.
How's the job working out?
584
00:36:26,452 --> 00:36:28,871
- It's good.
- Good.
585
00:36:29,038 --> 00:36:30,873
Dad, what did you do to your beard?
586
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,502
Well, I lost two jobs in a week
to people in their 30s.
587
00:36:34,669 --> 00:36:38,715
So Cammy volunteered
to make me look ten years younger.
588
00:36:38,881 --> 00:36:41,718
Gothic Raven.
What do you think?
589
00:36:42,301 --> 00:36:42,631
Yeah.
590
00:36:44,174 --> 00:36:46,635
I guess I found a loophole.
591
00:36:46,802 --> 00:36:50,305
- Your friend's got an attitude.
- He's out of work.
592
00:36:50,472 --> 00:36:52,933
So buy him a lap dance
to cheer him up.
593
00:36:59,439 --> 00:37:01,817
- Yeah.
- I'd like to get to know you sometime.
594
00:37:01,983 --> 00:37:04,319
- Don't get her pregnant.
- Oh, hey, look.
595
00:37:04,486 --> 00:37:06,154
- I have a girlfriend.
- Yo, Will!
596
00:37:09,449 --> 00:37:12,369
- So, you're looking for a job?
- Yeah.
597
00:37:12,536 --> 00:37:16,706
What would you do if you won the lottery
and never had to work again?
598
00:37:16,873 --> 00:37:19,334
- I don't know.
- What's your passion?
599
00:37:20,669 --> 00:37:23,171
What do you love to do?
600
00:37:23,338 --> 00:37:25,799
I like to make funny YouTube videos.
601
00:37:25,966 --> 00:37:27,676
Oh, if you like making YouTube videos,
602
00:37:27,843 --> 00:37:30,011
why aren't you looking
for corporate video work?
603
00:37:30,178 --> 00:37:33,265
Corporate?
Yeah, I don't do corporate.
604
00:37:33,431 --> 00:37:35,517
Listen, babe.
605
00:37:35,684 --> 00:37:40,438
When you're first starting out,
you gotta stay flexible.
606
00:37:48,446 --> 00:37:50,490
- Do you know what we do here, Hamilton?
- Trade stocks.
607
00:37:50,657 --> 00:37:52,826
Wrong. We make money.
608
00:37:52,993 --> 00:37:57,122
This is Hamilton.
He is clerking for us.
609
00:37:57,289 --> 00:37:59,416
I had to shit-can
that other douchebag
610
00:37:59,583 --> 00:38:02,335
because, well, I couldn't stand
looking at his face anymore.
611
00:38:02,502 --> 00:38:06,298
- Put all your orders in through him.
- Wait, I get to put in orders?
612
00:38:06,464 --> 00:38:09,718
- More than you can imagine.
- Hell, yeah.
613
00:38:09,885 --> 00:38:11,887
Go across the street,
get me three triple espressos.
614
00:38:12,053 --> 00:38:14,055
Put three sugars in each one.
None of that Splenda shit.
615
00:38:14,222 --> 00:38:16,016
- I want the real thing.
- Go to Fatburger.
616
00:38:16,182 --> 00:38:18,059
Get me 12 double XLs
with extra cheese,
617
00:38:18,226 --> 00:38:20,562
12 chili-cheese fat fries,
nine milk shakes.
618
00:38:20,729 --> 00:38:23,481
Hey, go to 7-Eleven. Pick me up
25 Black Cherry lottery tickets.
619
00:38:23,648 --> 00:38:25,984
Fifteen grand top prize.
You scratch them off.
620
00:38:26,151 --> 00:38:27,777
Start from the bottom.
Odd numbers first.
621
00:38:27,944 --> 00:38:32,115
- Go! Go, go, go...
- Still here? Still here?
622
00:38:33,116 --> 00:38:35,076
And I better fucking win!
623
00:38:38,163 --> 00:38:39,664
What are you doing?
624
00:38:39,748 --> 00:38:43,168
- I need a sexy video of you.
- Yeah, I don't think so.
625
00:38:43,335 --> 00:38:46,504
I made an appointment
to donate sperm. What?
626
00:38:46,671 --> 00:38:49,835
Your best idea for making rent
is masturbating into a cup?
627
00:38:50,002 --> 00:38:51,963
Who's Billy Mays?
628
00:38:52,588 --> 00:38:54,882
If you're gonna tell someone off,
make it clear!
629
00:39:08,020 --> 00:39:09,855
What do you think?
630
00:39:10,022 --> 00:39:13,276
Hot. Very, very hot.
631
00:39:15,653 --> 00:39:17,947
They're Prada.
632
00:39:18,114 --> 00:39:19,907
They were $779.
633
00:39:21,701 --> 00:39:23,661
I know. I just...
634
00:39:25,496 --> 00:39:27,748
I just want them
to take me seriously at work.
635
00:39:27,915 --> 00:39:30,501
Everybody takes you seriously.
636
00:39:31,210 --> 00:39:33,796
- They do?
- Yes, they do.
637
00:39:33,963 --> 00:39:35,881
Sophomore year.
638
00:39:36,048 --> 00:39:39,051
We're running Ultimate Frisbee drills
down in the lounge.
639
00:39:40,219 --> 00:39:42,471
Ethan comes in and says
that there's a situation
640
00:39:42,638 --> 00:39:44,598
that I need to handle downstairs.
641
00:39:44,765 --> 00:39:49,812
So, I go downstairs,
and I see this tiny little person
642
00:39:49,979 --> 00:39:51,856
in pajamas and slippers,
643
00:39:52,023 --> 00:39:55,484
and she is so, so angry.
644
00:39:56,485 --> 00:39:57,820
I was trying to study.
645
00:39:59,238 --> 00:40:02,992
The moment that I saw you, I knew that
you were someone to take seriously.
646
00:40:07,163 --> 00:40:09,373
What are you gonna do
about work, Will?
647
00:40:58,464 --> 00:41:00,132
Have a nice day, boys!
648
00:41:05,304 --> 00:41:07,765
Hey!
Ooh, it's coming down.
649
00:41:09,558 --> 00:41:12,019
- Look at you.
- Yeah, right?
650
00:41:12,770 --> 00:41:14,605
Look at you.
651
00:41:14,772 --> 00:41:16,607
Oh, yeah.
652
00:41:16,774 --> 00:41:19,235
- Yeah, looks good.
- Well... Thanks.
653
00:41:20,611 --> 00:41:23,948
- So, is anything good here?
- Oh, everything's good here.
654
00:41:24,115 --> 00:41:25,324
- Really?
- Yeah.
655
00:41:25,491 --> 00:41:27,618
Can I get two pork and bean burritos,
656
00:41:27,785 --> 00:41:29,662
four beef machacas,
and two beers?
657
00:41:31,497 --> 00:41:34,333
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm paying for our--
658
00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:36,127
No, you're not.
Tonight's on me.
659
00:41:44,051 --> 00:41:45,052
Oh, man.
660
00:41:45,219 --> 00:41:47,346
This is my first machaca.
It's great.
661
00:41:50,307 --> 00:41:51,517
Hey,Dad.
662
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,103
I'm sorry about last week.
663
00:41:56,063 --> 00:41:57,648
Yeah, me too.
664
00:42:00,943 --> 00:42:04,655
Could we get some beer, please?
Two tequila shots.
665
00:42:05,990 --> 00:42:07,491
Let's get hammered.
666
00:42:07,658 --> 00:42:08,784
Cheers.
667
00:42:10,703 --> 00:42:11,829
Drink up.
668
00:42:13,539 --> 00:42:14,665
- Fuck.
- See?
669
00:42:14,832 --> 00:42:15,833
Yeah, it's all right.
670
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,710
All right, Dad.
You know why we're doing this?
671
00:42:17,877 --> 00:42:19,003
- Why?
- We're doing this
672
00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:20,671
so that what's-his-name...
673
00:42:20,838 --> 00:42:22,131
- Your--
- Oh, my guy?
674
00:42:22,298 --> 00:42:24,925
James Gentry.
The decision maker.
675
00:42:25,092 --> 00:42:27,761
Right. So James Gentry
can find out who you are.
676
00:42:27,928 --> 00:42:30,598
Yeah.
Who am I?
677
00:42:31,849 --> 00:42:33,726
You're a great man.
678
00:42:36,479 --> 00:42:40,149
You supported me my whole life, Dad.
Let me repay the favor, please.
679
00:42:42,610 --> 00:42:43,611
Okay.
680
00:42:43,777 --> 00:42:45,529
- Okay. Ready?
- Okay.
681
00:42:45,696 --> 00:42:47,907
- Do this again, that makes me know.
- Yeah, okay.
682
00:42:48,699 --> 00:42:50,409
Let's press record.
683
00:42:52,286 --> 00:42:54,997
- Go.
- My name is Roger Davis.
684
00:42:55,164 --> 00:42:58,292
I'm very punctual, and faithful...
685
00:42:58,459 --> 00:43:01,212
Oh, God!
I'm so terrible at this.
686
00:43:01,212 --> 00:43:01,712
Oh, God!
I'm so terrible at this.
687
00:43:05,132 --> 00:43:08,886
I need to do something productive.
688
00:43:11,472 --> 00:43:13,015
Something worthwhile.
689
00:43:15,100 --> 00:43:16,852
Really all it's about.
690
00:43:19,688 --> 00:43:21,941
Do you know, work has always
been more important to me
691
00:43:22,107 --> 00:43:23,943
than anyone else I know?
692
00:43:24,109 --> 00:43:27,571
It just has.
I love it. I love it.
693
00:43:32,034 --> 00:43:35,204
I just need to get into
the employer and see them.
694
00:43:35,371 --> 00:43:37,748
Do you know?
One-on-one.
695
00:43:37,915 --> 00:43:41,001
And if they can just
somehow get to know me,
696
00:43:41,168 --> 00:43:42,253
just even a little bit,
697
00:43:42,419 --> 00:43:45,464
then they would know
why they should hire me.
698
00:43:46,924 --> 00:43:49,927
That is the goal.
That's the goal.
699
00:43:53,347 --> 00:43:56,100
So, anyway, I'm sorry.
I'm blabbering on.
700
00:43:56,267 --> 00:43:58,102
All right, we need to do this.
701
00:43:58,269 --> 00:44:00,896
- All right.
- No, we're good.
702
00:44:01,063 --> 00:44:02,439
No, I'll try it,
I'll try it.
703
00:44:02,606 --> 00:44:04,191
Dad, another time.
704
00:44:04,858 --> 00:44:06,110
All right.
705
00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:08,988
If I drink anymore of this,
this is not going to go well.
706
00:44:09,154 --> 00:44:10,656
- Well, we got six more to go.
- Whoa!
707
00:44:11,907 --> 00:44:12,950
Yeah!
708
00:44:14,368 --> 00:44:16,120
You did that on purpose, didn't you?
709
00:44:16,287 --> 00:44:18,581
- Absolutely!
- You did!
710
00:44:18,747 --> 00:44:20,082
You did, too.
711
00:44:36,890 --> 00:44:40,519
- Good afternoon, Mr. Buffett.
- Oh, jeez!
712
00:44:40,686 --> 00:44:42,938
I am sure you're wondering
how I knew that you were in town.
713
00:44:43,105 --> 00:44:46,442
Because you read it
in the LA Times?
714
00:44:46,609 --> 00:44:47,818
Damn it!
715
00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:50,821
Actually, through the use
of GPS triangulation,
716
00:44:50,988 --> 00:44:52,990
my app, the iSearchU,
717
00:44:53,157 --> 00:44:54,742
allowed me to send you a text message
718
00:44:54,908 --> 00:44:56,619
and receive back your exact location,
719
00:44:56,785 --> 00:44:59,079
right down to this stall.
It's incredible!
720
00:44:59,246 --> 00:45:02,458
You know Foursquare
does that already, right?
721
00:45:02,625 --> 00:45:03,917
No,no,no.
You don't get it.
722
00:45:04,084 --> 00:45:06,670
Foursquare lets you
tell other people where you are.
723
00:45:06,837 --> 00:45:10,382
My app tells me where you are
even if you don't want me to know.
724
00:45:10,549 --> 00:45:12,343
It's a game changer, sir, okay?
725
00:45:12,509 --> 00:45:14,553
I'm telling you,
if you say yes right now,
726
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:17,640
I can promise you
50-50 in my company.
727
00:45:21,185 --> 00:45:23,395
60-40.
728
00:45:23,562 --> 00:45:25,272
You drive a hard bargain, sir.
729
00:45:25,439 --> 00:45:27,816
65-35, last offer.
730
00:45:29,902 --> 00:45:33,030
You know...
I like it.
731
00:45:34,031 --> 00:45:35,532
You do?
732
00:45:35,699 --> 00:45:37,868
Let me text my people.
733
00:45:38,035 --> 00:45:40,162
Oh, my God!
I knew that you would like it.
734
00:45:40,329 --> 00:45:43,248
You're the Oracle of Omaha.
You are a visionary like me, sir.
735
00:45:43,415 --> 00:45:45,626
This is incredible.
736
00:45:45,793 --> 00:45:47,252
What the fuck is this?
737
00:45:47,419 --> 00:45:48,921
What the fuck? Hey!
738
00:45:50,339 --> 00:45:52,299
Who has security guards
when they take shits?
739
00:45:52,466 --> 00:45:54,343
What the fuck
is wrong with you, Buffett?
740
00:45:54,510 --> 00:45:56,762
You can't hide
from the iStalkU!
741
00:45:56,929 --> 00:45:58,597
Buffett!
742
00:45:59,807 --> 00:46:03,352
Double-shot white chocolate mocha
with extra cream.
743
00:46:03,519 --> 00:46:05,312
Where are we
on the Fredericks video?
744
00:46:05,479 --> 00:46:07,314
On schedule for tomorrow afternoon.
745
00:46:08,148 --> 00:46:10,776
I was hoping for some personal time
tomorrow afternoon.
746
00:46:12,528 --> 00:46:13,529
Say no more.
747
00:46:13,696 --> 00:46:16,407
I will stay late tonight and get it
to you first thing in the morning.
748
00:46:19,785 --> 00:46:21,161
Will?
749
00:46:22,371 --> 00:46:24,331
There are going to be
some changes around here.
750
00:46:25,749 --> 00:46:27,084
Changes?
751
00:46:27,251 --> 00:46:30,838
I'm taking Wilheimer
into the 21st century.
752
00:46:31,004 --> 00:46:32,423
There will be a new position created,
753
00:46:32,589 --> 00:46:35,843
Vice President
of Corporate Communications.
754
00:46:36,009 --> 00:46:39,430
You keep up the good work,
that Vice President is you.
755
00:46:41,849 --> 00:46:43,642
- Hey, Fernando.
- Fernando.
756
00:46:43,809 --> 00:46:45,060
- Sorry?
- Fernando.
757
00:46:45,227 --> 00:46:48,188
Fernando, right.
Tanya said that I should talk to you.
758
00:46:48,355 --> 00:46:49,857
About what?
759
00:46:50,023 --> 00:46:51,942
I have some extra work
that I'm doing tonight,
760
00:46:52,109 --> 00:46:54,236
and I just need a little help.
761
00:46:54,403 --> 00:46:57,448
- You want me to do your work for you?
- No, no, no.
762
00:46:57,614 --> 00:47:00,617
What I'm saying is that she said
that I should talk to you.
763
00:47:00,784 --> 00:47:01,952
About, you know...
764
00:47:04,621 --> 00:47:06,165
I have ADD.
765
00:47:08,083 --> 00:47:10,669
You know there's
two Fernandos in this office?
766
00:47:12,004 --> 00:47:15,132
Fernando Little,
Director of Client Services,
767
00:47:15,299 --> 00:47:17,843
Division Sales Leader,
three years running.
768
00:47:18,010 --> 00:47:19,928
And Fernando, the janitor.
769
00:47:22,806 --> 00:47:24,975
Mi madre, she's a psychiatrist.
770
00:47:25,142 --> 00:47:27,853
So, I can hook you up
with whatever you need.
771
00:47:28,020 --> 00:47:29,313
Those are drugs.
772
00:47:31,064 --> 00:47:32,357
Saw you last night.
773
00:47:34,610 --> 00:47:36,153
With tu papa.
774
00:47:37,821 --> 00:47:39,531
You're not gonna tell anyone,
are you?
775
00:47:41,742 --> 00:47:43,702
Wasn't close to mi papa.
776
00:47:44,745 --> 00:47:46,163
Your words...
777
00:47:47,998 --> 00:47:49,249
They moved me.
778
00:47:53,754 --> 00:47:56,715
I will take it to the grave.
779
00:47:58,217 --> 00:48:00,385
Now, someone with extra work...
780
00:48:01,929 --> 00:48:04,807
- may I recommend...
- Dexedrine?
781
00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:08,936
Sexy Dexy.
782
00:48:09,686 --> 00:48:14,107
He's an attorney.
And I worked at his legal practice,
783
00:48:14,274 --> 00:48:16,735
as an intern...
784
00:48:16,902 --> 00:48:21,114
Mainly I found that dealing
with people was my best skill.
785
00:48:21,281 --> 00:48:23,659
So, he would have me deliver...
786
00:48:23,826 --> 00:48:25,869
We started out
delivering packages...
787
00:48:28,205 --> 00:48:30,707
And then ultimately...
788
00:48:30,874 --> 00:48:32,835
I have a lot of charisma.
789
00:48:34,294 --> 00:48:35,379
My unique...
I can be...
790
00:48:35,546 --> 00:48:36,964
...makes me highly...
791
00:48:37,130 --> 00:48:40,467
...highly employable
in today's marketplace.
792
00:48:43,679 --> 00:48:45,722
I'm Lawrence Wilheimer
and I'm old!
793
00:48:45,889 --> 00:48:47,933
And I don't understand technology
because I'm so old.
794
00:48:48,100 --> 00:48:50,727
So I have Will
clear my browser history every day!
795
00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:53,272
Oh, my God!
796
00:48:53,438 --> 00:48:55,148
- Who's the decision maker?
- You are.
797
00:48:55,315 --> 00:48:57,734
- You... You're... You are...
- That's good.
798
00:48:59,236 --> 00:49:01,196
- Will Davis.
- Dude!
799
00:49:01,363 --> 00:49:03,323
- You're viral!
- What?
800
00:49:03,490 --> 00:49:07,077
Your Skeezy video has over
114,000 hits on YouTube!
801
00:49:07,244 --> 00:49:09,288
- YouTube?
- Yeah, YouTube.
802
00:49:09,454 --> 00:49:10,455
YouTube? YouTube?
803
00:49:10,622 --> 00:49:12,082
It's fucking YouTube.
Am I saying this wrong?
804
00:49:12,249 --> 00:49:13,584
- Yeah, that's YouTube.
- That's YouTube, right?
805
00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:14,877
- Yeah, that's...
- Yeah, let him know.
806
00:49:15,043 --> 00:49:16,169
It's YouTube, Will!
807
00:49:21,133 --> 00:49:22,676
Well, I structured my business
808
00:49:22,843 --> 00:49:25,971
around the same eco-friendly model
as Ben and Jerry's.
809
00:49:26,138 --> 00:49:27,222
You know what I'm sayin'?
810
00:49:27,389 --> 00:49:30,100
Bitches going to go for
the pimp with best work environment.
811
00:49:30,267 --> 00:49:33,103
That's why we got free STD testing,
free condoms...
812
00:49:33,270 --> 00:49:35,814
I'm viral! Yes!
813
00:49:35,898 --> 00:49:39,818
And even a dental plan.
You can't be having no toothless bitches!
814
00:49:40,777 --> 00:49:43,405
How much you know about us
as a company, Will?
815
00:49:43,572 --> 00:49:45,532
Absolutely nothing.
816
00:49:45,699 --> 00:49:49,202
Join the club, brother.
We will fix that.
817
00:49:49,369 --> 00:49:51,413
- Sweat Body Spray?
- Yeah.
818
00:49:51,580 --> 00:49:52,956
When kids put that on,
819
00:49:53,123 --> 00:49:55,125
I want them to know
they're sending a message.
820
00:49:55,292 --> 00:49:57,711
- Guess what the message is?
- "I’m cool."
821
00:49:57,878 --> 00:50:00,505
No, the message is,
"I’m down to fuck."
822
00:50:00,672 --> 00:50:03,300
- Okay.
- Or be fucked.
823
00:50:04,968 --> 00:50:08,388
Hey, Lon. I still don't know
why I'm here exactly.
824
00:50:08,555 --> 00:50:10,390
Why you're here?
I'll tell you why you're here.
825
00:50:10,557 --> 00:50:12,476
You're here because I want you
826
00:50:12,643 --> 00:50:14,978
to head up
our Internet and viral marketing.
827
00:50:17,272 --> 00:50:18,523
You're offering me a job?
828
00:50:18,690 --> 00:50:20,275
I saw the Skeezy D video,
829
00:50:20,442 --> 00:50:22,402
and it blew my fucking mind inside out!
830
00:50:22,569 --> 00:50:23,862
I'm up all night.
I can't sleep
831
00:50:24,029 --> 00:50:26,740
because I'm watching this video
over and over and over again,
832
00:50:26,907 --> 00:50:29,660
screaming at the TV,
"Just tell me what you want me to buy!"
833
00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:33,205
Yeah. Ooh, spank that monkey.
834
00:50:33,372 --> 00:50:35,290
Spank, spank that monkey, yeah.
835
00:50:36,583 --> 00:50:38,627
That's my niece.
836
00:50:38,794 --> 00:50:41,505
All right, so what kind of salary
are we talking?
837
00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:44,174
Okay.
I can offer you 22.
838
00:50:44,341 --> 00:50:46,551
Ooh, that's not a lot.
839
00:50:47,552 --> 00:50:48,929
Will...
840
00:50:49,096 --> 00:50:52,474
We're marketing to kids that were doing
triple irony in kindergarten.
841
00:50:52,641 --> 00:50:54,351
And you...
842
00:50:54,518 --> 00:50:55,936
You are so fucking ironic,
843
00:50:56,103 --> 00:50:58,981
you've gone all the way around the track,
back to authentic.
844
00:51:01,066 --> 00:51:03,610
You're irontic, man.
You're irontic!
845
00:51:03,777 --> 00:51:04,945
"Irontic"?
846
00:51:06,363 --> 00:51:09,366
- Ding-dong! Going down.
- What are you doing?
847
00:51:09,533 --> 00:51:13,203
Will, if you told me to take
our entire marketing budget
848
00:51:13,370 --> 00:51:17,207
and blow it on a billboard with nothing
but pictures of fat, veiny cocks, I'd do it!
849
00:51:17,374 --> 00:51:18,792
I'll do whatever you say!
850
00:51:18,959 --> 00:51:21,545
Tell me what to do, man.
Tell me what to do!
851
00:51:22,713 --> 00:51:23,755
Guess who's awesome?
852
00:51:23,922 --> 00:51:26,383
I am. Will is awesome.
I did it.
853
00:51:26,550 --> 00:51:28,301
I stepped up, babe.
I did exactly...
854
00:51:28,468 --> 00:51:30,637
There you are. I did exactly
what you told me to do.
855
00:51:30,804 --> 00:51:33,098
I stepped up big time.
And I got great news for us.
856
00:51:33,265 --> 00:51:35,392
- I got fired.
- What?
857
00:51:37,394 --> 00:51:38,478
I got fired today.
858
00:51:38,645 --> 00:51:40,564
They called me in
to Human Resources,
859
00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:43,942
and I thought I was getting promoted.
That's how stupid I am.
860
00:51:44,109 --> 00:51:45,736
You're not stupid.
861
00:51:47,154 --> 00:51:48,572
Yeah, I am.
862
00:51:49,698 --> 00:51:51,241
I'm $90,000 in debt.
863
00:51:51,408 --> 00:51:55,037
And I spent $779
on a pair of shoes!
864
00:51:55,203 --> 00:51:57,622
It's going to be okay.
865
00:51:57,789 --> 00:52:00,250
No, it's not.
How is this going to be okay?
866
00:52:00,417 --> 00:52:03,211
Because you're gonna...
You're gonna get another job.
867
00:52:08,425 --> 00:52:10,427
I'm sorry, Will...
868
00:52:12,387 --> 00:52:14,389
What are you...
What are we celebrating?
869
00:52:20,353 --> 00:52:23,398
Katherine is gonna
put me up for a promotion.
870
00:52:27,319 --> 00:52:29,529
That's great!
That's great.
871
00:52:31,448 --> 00:52:33,492
At least one of us has a career, right?
872
00:52:33,658 --> 00:52:34,993
Come here.
873
00:52:36,453 --> 00:52:37,829
That's great.
874
00:52:39,664 --> 00:52:41,458
What am I going to do for rent?
875
00:52:53,053 --> 00:52:54,471
Hey, roomie!
876
00:52:58,308 --> 00:53:01,686
FYI, we leave porn laying around,
so just, like, embrace it.
877
00:53:03,188 --> 00:53:05,107
The week started out bad.
878
00:53:05,273 --> 00:53:07,192
My severance ran out.
The mortgage was due.
879
00:53:07,359 --> 00:53:10,821
I pillaged my 401(k).
I was spiraling.
880
00:53:10,987 --> 00:53:14,491
And then on Tuesday,
I finally get an interview with Xerox.
881
00:53:15,617 --> 00:53:19,538
And I went in there and I killed.
882
00:53:19,704 --> 00:53:24,334
I mean, it was the kind of interview
that you dream about.
883
00:53:24,501 --> 00:53:29,548
And it was so good,
that I remember tearing up in the elevator.
884
00:53:29,714 --> 00:53:32,592
And I knew-- I knew they were
gonna send me on to Gentry.
885
00:53:32,759 --> 00:53:35,804
I knew I was finally going to meet
the decision maker.
886
00:53:39,766 --> 00:53:42,727
And ever since then, nothing.
887
00:53:46,106 --> 00:53:47,732
Bupkis.
888
00:53:48,650 --> 00:53:50,652
I just need the bathroom key.
889
00:53:52,696 --> 00:53:54,156
Sorry.
890
00:53:57,868 --> 00:53:59,244
Cammy!
891
00:53:59,411 --> 00:54:01,288
How do I get to James Gentry?
892
00:54:01,454 --> 00:54:04,374
I've e-mailed, I've texted,
I've twittered.
893
00:54:04,541 --> 00:54:06,877
I've called his home.
I spoke to his wife.
894
00:54:07,043 --> 00:54:08,378
You called his house?
895
00:54:08,545 --> 00:54:09,880
Well, the conversation was brief.
896
00:54:10,046 --> 00:54:11,464
It was dinner time.
She had company.
897
00:54:11,631 --> 00:54:13,175
But I think I made an impression!
898
00:54:13,341 --> 00:54:15,343
Maybe you should focus
on more than one job listing.
899
00:54:15,510 --> 00:54:17,220
I'm so perfect for this job!
900
00:54:17,387 --> 00:54:19,389
I just have to get myself
in front of the guy
901
00:54:19,556 --> 00:54:22,392
who can actually pull the trigger
and hire me!
902
00:54:22,559 --> 00:54:24,644
It is ABC time!
903
00:54:24,811 --> 00:54:28,398
One way or another,
I've got to get to the decision maker.
904
00:54:28,565 --> 00:54:30,609
- Yes.
- Whoa!
905
00:54:32,986 --> 00:54:36,531
James Gentry,
prepare to meet Roger Davis.
906
00:54:41,578 --> 00:54:42,829
Yo.
907
00:54:42,996 --> 00:54:45,498
Hey, man.
Listen to my dad's latest tweet.
908
00:54:45,665 --> 00:54:46,791
"It ends today.
909
00:54:46,958 --> 00:54:50,086
"ABC, equal sign,
Annihilation Brings Closure.
910
00:54:50,253 --> 00:54:54,917
"Roger Davis,
symbol for greater than James Gentry."
911
00:54:55,084 --> 00:54:58,921
Yeah, I found the guidebook
to be kind of limiting.
912
00:55:01,257 --> 00:55:04,093
I wrote the guidebook, Mr. Davis.
913
00:55:04,260 --> 00:55:06,053
And while I have you here,
914
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:09,849
there are some issues of comportment
that apparently need clarification.
915
00:55:10,015 --> 00:55:13,269
You will maintain
a professional appearance.
916
00:55:13,436 --> 00:55:16,564
That means a suit and a tie.
917
00:55:17,732 --> 00:55:20,443
It does not mean sneakers.
918
00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:23,154
It does not mean khakis.
919
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:26,907
It does not mean that unwashed rag
you call a T-shirt.
920
00:55:28,701 --> 00:55:29,910
Got it.
921
00:55:30,077 --> 00:55:31,537
"Got it"?
922
00:55:32,455 --> 00:55:33,456
Understood?
923
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:39,420
And while I was away,
924
00:55:39,587 --> 00:55:43,966
I was a recipient of several
of your reply-all e-mails.
925
00:55:44,133 --> 00:55:47,887
They were inappropriate, offensive,
926
00:55:48,053 --> 00:55:52,016
and most of all, not funny.
927
00:55:52,183 --> 00:55:56,187
Nobody wants a birthday spanking
from you, Mr. Davis.
928
00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:04,904
And finally, I took a look
at your Facebook page
929
00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:06,405
and was confronted
with this sordid image.
930
00:56:06,405 --> 00:56:10,030
And was confronted
with this sordid image.
931
00:56:10,197 --> 00:56:12,241
I'm an accomplished masturbator.
932
00:56:13,492 --> 00:56:15,494
Will, I don't know
what's going on with you.
933
00:56:15,661 --> 00:56:17,955
At school, you always had
a million different things going on.
934
00:56:18,122 --> 00:56:20,457
Your energy was contagious.
It's what I loved about you.
935
00:56:20,624 --> 00:56:25,087
And right now, it feels like you're just
flailing around, making it up as you go.
936
00:56:25,254 --> 00:56:27,589
I saw a job counselor last week.
937
00:56:29,133 --> 00:56:30,759
Really? A job counselor?
938
00:56:30,926 --> 00:56:34,930
And she was all over me about
forming a strategy, and just really--
939
00:56:35,097 --> 00:56:36,932
She rode me to stay flexible,
940
00:56:37,099 --> 00:56:39,977
and so we decided to focus
on corporate video work.
941
00:56:40,144 --> 00:56:43,439
I sent out my resume.
I should start interviewing next week.
942
00:56:43,605 --> 00:56:45,607
Come here.
943
00:56:45,774 --> 00:56:49,278
Do you remember Ultimate Frisbee?
Not the districts, the regionals.
944
00:56:49,445 --> 00:56:52,281
I made that 50-yard huck to Sullivan.
It was an awesome pass.
945
00:56:52,448 --> 00:56:56,493
- I don't know what we're talking about.
- What I'm saying is, don't worry.
946
00:56:56,660 --> 00:56:58,871
I'm at my best when my back
is against the wall.
947
00:56:59,038 --> 00:57:01,165
This isn't college, Will.
948
00:57:02,124 --> 00:57:03,959
Please, I need you to step up.
949
00:57:06,879 --> 00:57:10,632
Thirty years, one company.
Wow!
950
00:57:10,799 --> 00:57:14,219
An employer sees this,
and they see a dinosaur.
951
00:57:15,679 --> 00:57:19,850
Well, I can't say that
I agree with you there, Hernando.
952
00:57:20,017 --> 00:57:22,102
- Fernando.
- It's Fernando?
953
00:57:22,269 --> 00:57:24,605
You should do whatever you can
to look younger.
954
00:57:24,772 --> 00:57:26,607
For starters, lose the beard.
955
00:57:26,774 --> 00:57:29,568
An image consult is included
with the Platinum Package.
956
00:57:29,735 --> 00:57:31,862
We'll give you a workstation,
some place to go every morning.
957
00:57:32,029 --> 00:57:36,909
And we will produce a video resume
that will set you above the rabble.
958
00:57:37,076 --> 00:57:41,246
But all of that is just preparation
for the main event.
959
00:57:41,787 --> 00:57:42,914
What the hell does that mean?
960
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:44,957
I don't know, man,
but it sounds ominous.
961
00:57:45,124 --> 00:57:46,542
Yeah, it definitely doesn't sound good.
962
00:57:47,835 --> 00:57:50,254
Yeah, this is bad.
Look, Luke, we gotta go find my dad.
963
00:57:50,421 --> 00:57:51,672
All right, here I come.
964
00:57:53,257 --> 00:57:56,052
Yeah, it's Fifth and Spring,
right off the 101, big gray building.
965
00:58:04,310 --> 00:58:05,436
Excuse me, sir.
966
00:58:05,603 --> 00:58:06,896
Check in with the front desk, please.
967
00:58:07,063 --> 00:58:08,564
Oh, right, right.
968
00:58:10,316 --> 00:58:13,444
All right.
I'll take care of that this afternoon.
969
00:58:13,611 --> 00:58:16,238
All right.
All right, bye-bye.
970
00:58:17,406 --> 00:58:18,741
Good afternoon.
971
00:58:21,327 --> 00:58:23,704
Roger Davis here
to see James Gentry.
972
00:58:23,871 --> 00:58:25,247
You could sign in.
973
00:58:27,959 --> 00:58:29,502
Sir?
974
00:58:31,420 --> 00:58:33,756
I'm going to need you
to exit the building.
975
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:39,178
Okay.
976
00:58:44,100 --> 00:58:46,352
Or... how about this?
977
00:58:47,812 --> 00:58:48,938
How about I'm not going anywhere
978
00:58:49,105 --> 00:58:52,108
until after I see the decision maker.
979
00:59:02,868 --> 00:59:04,036
Katherine?
980
00:59:04,954 --> 00:59:06,831
- Mr. Wilheimer.
- Yeah.
981
00:59:06,998 --> 00:59:09,166
Look, family emergency.
I need to leave early.
982
00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:10,751
We're starting the Fredericks meeting.
983
00:59:10,918 --> 00:59:12,586
Okay. Well, how important is it
that I'm there?
984
00:59:12,753 --> 00:59:14,588
How important is keeping your job?
985
00:59:16,132 --> 00:59:18,217
Katherine, I'm sorry.
My dad needs me.
986
00:59:19,385 --> 00:59:21,303
Nearest exit, everybody!
987
00:59:25,225 --> 00:59:30,315
By months and months
of rejection and indifference.
988
00:59:31,149 --> 00:59:32,692
I'm a human being,
989
00:59:32,859 --> 00:59:35,320
asking for an opportunity
to tell you face to face
990
00:59:35,487 --> 00:59:39,574
why I think I would be great
for your company.
991
00:59:42,744 --> 00:59:45,538
This is my resume.
My son made this.
992
00:59:47,499 --> 00:59:49,501
Why me?
993
00:59:50,877 --> 00:59:54,297
Because you, sir,
are the decision maker.
994
01:00:05,433 --> 01:00:07,352
What happened?
995
01:00:08,895 --> 01:00:10,480
I got an interview.
996
01:00:10,647 --> 01:00:13,149
Yeah!
997
01:00:13,233 --> 01:00:14,859
- Nice!
- All right!
998
01:00:18,029 --> 01:00:19,864
- Yes!
- There we go.
999
01:01:47,452 --> 01:01:49,120
There can be only one.
1000
01:01:49,287 --> 01:01:51,456
- Hey.
- Hey.
1001
01:01:55,543 --> 01:01:57,253
Katherine wants to see you
in her office.
1002
01:01:57,420 --> 01:01:58,713
Fuck.
1003
01:02:01,716 --> 01:02:03,259
Goodbye head?
1004
01:02:03,426 --> 01:02:06,596
What? No.
What is wrong with you?
1005
01:02:09,182 --> 01:02:11,100
I'm really bored.
1006
01:02:23,488 --> 01:02:25,573
Isn't it a glorious day?
1007
01:02:26,908 --> 01:02:28,243
What's glorious about it?
1008
01:02:28,409 --> 01:02:30,954
I've rid this company
of the dead wood.
1009
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:32,580
We are leaner and meaner.
1010
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:37,585
This is a contract.
1011
01:02:39,170 --> 01:02:40,588
It's a what?
1012
01:02:41,673 --> 01:02:44,008
You're now Vice President
of Corporate Communications.
1013
01:02:44,175 --> 01:02:48,221
Your salary is $52,000.
1014
01:02:50,056 --> 01:02:51,224
52,000?
1015
01:02:51,391 --> 01:02:55,061
You'll be doing the work of three people.
Get used to eating dinner at your desk.
1016
01:02:57,313 --> 01:03:00,900
Now that I've turned you around,
it was easier to kick you upstairs
1017
01:03:01,067 --> 01:03:03,111
than to train someone new.
1018
01:03:03,278 --> 01:03:05,822
Just don't forget
who did the kicking.
1019
01:03:07,323 --> 01:03:09,033
- Yeah.
- Come here.
1020
01:03:15,623 --> 01:03:18,626
I own you, Mr. Davis.
1021
01:03:24,757 --> 01:03:27,927
Get to work, VP.
1022
01:03:51,909 --> 01:03:53,453
Yes!
1023
01:03:58,625 --> 01:04:00,043
Why are you massaging
my girlfriend?
1024
01:04:00,209 --> 01:04:02,003
Don't break her concentration.
1025
01:04:02,170 --> 01:04:04,130
She's about to get
to the Living Legend achievement.
1026
01:04:04,297 --> 01:04:06,049
This is fucking crazy, man!
She's on a killing spree.
1027
01:04:06,215 --> 01:04:07,216
Killing frenzy.
1028
01:04:07,383 --> 01:04:10,470
- Your girlfriend is a fucking prodigy, bro.
- Bong me.
1029
01:04:12,013 --> 01:04:13,973
You light it.
Light it for her.
1030
01:04:14,140 --> 01:04:16,559
"Bong me"?
Hey, what's up with you, man?
1031
01:04:16,726 --> 01:04:19,354
I lost a half a million dollars today.
1032
01:04:21,439 --> 01:04:24,651
I am fucked.
I let everybody down, dude.
1033
01:04:24,817 --> 01:04:27,028
I let Tyler Perry down.
1034
01:04:27,195 --> 01:04:29,072
Oprah, Barack Obama...
1035
01:04:29,238 --> 01:04:31,366
I let Barack Obama down.
I am fucked, man.
1036
01:04:31,532 --> 01:04:34,202
- Stay with it.
- I'm on it.
1037
01:04:34,369 --> 01:04:36,120
You guys don't understand, man.
1038
01:04:36,287 --> 01:04:39,707
You guys don't understand.
I drank deer cum!
1039
01:04:39,874 --> 01:04:41,834
- Move!
- Oh, God. Shit!
1040
01:04:42,001 --> 01:04:43,586
Hey, Jillian, can I talk to you
for a second?
1041
01:04:43,753 --> 01:04:45,797
- Boo!
- No.
1042
01:04:45,963 --> 01:04:47,382
Okay. All right.
1043
01:04:48,716 --> 01:04:50,551
Game over, bitches!
1044
01:04:50,718 --> 01:04:52,178
What are you doing?
You can't do that.
1045
01:04:52,345 --> 01:04:53,346
You can't pull the cord out.
Why are you doing that?
1046
01:04:53,429 --> 01:04:55,682
- Boo!
- Don't boo me.
1047
01:04:55,848 --> 01:04:57,809
You don't-- Don't boo.
Stop booing me!
1048
01:04:57,975 --> 01:04:59,852
I'm surprised at you, Will.
1049
01:05:02,355 --> 01:05:03,606
Dude, get out of here.
1050
01:05:04,732 --> 01:05:06,526
Sudden trauma can hurt the LED.
1051
01:05:08,152 --> 01:05:10,446
Wait, come here.
Save me, save me, save me! I don't--
1052
01:05:11,072 --> 01:05:13,449
- Bong me.
- Bong coming in.
1053
01:05:13,616 --> 01:05:16,327
All right, Jillian.
I need you to step up.
1054
01:05:18,246 --> 01:05:19,789
Oh, my God.
1055
01:05:32,427 --> 01:05:34,220
Bring home the bacon, baby.
1056
01:05:34,387 --> 01:05:36,931
Oh, fuck.
Let's eat some bacon right now.
1057
01:05:49,235 --> 01:05:50,695
Mr. Diller?
1058
01:05:52,989 --> 01:05:55,783
I just want to say
I'm sorry I screwed up.
1059
01:05:55,950 --> 01:05:59,662
And thank you for the opportunity and...
1060
01:06:03,082 --> 01:06:04,792
I'm sorry I let you down.
1061
01:06:10,089 --> 01:06:12,091
Where in the fuck
do you think you're going?
1062
01:06:13,342 --> 01:06:15,595
Sit the fuck down.
1063
01:06:17,221 --> 01:06:20,224
What kind of fucking pussy generation
do you come from, anyway?
1064
01:06:21,434 --> 01:06:23,019
You never apologize.
1065
01:06:23,186 --> 01:06:25,730
Never, ever.
You burn the fucking house down,
1066
01:06:25,897 --> 01:06:27,982
you roll up your fucking sleeves
and you build another one.
1067
01:06:28,149 --> 01:06:30,401
Now, get the fuck back out there
and make the money back.
1068
01:06:30,568 --> 01:06:32,695
You got it?
1069
01:06:32,862 --> 01:06:34,238
Go.
1070
01:06:38,701 --> 01:06:42,163
Yo, this will never happen again.
1071
01:06:42,330 --> 01:06:43,414
Thank you so much.
1072
01:06:47,210 --> 01:06:48,503
Goddamn it.
1073
01:06:49,921 --> 01:06:51,464
Send the fucking custodian in.
1074
01:07:12,193 --> 01:07:12,276
Bring it in.
Okay, circle up.
1075
01:07:12,276 --> 01:07:14,570
Bring it in.
Okay, circle up.
1076
01:07:15,196 --> 01:07:18,699
All right. Now, I know
we haven't won a game yet,
1077
01:07:18,866 --> 01:07:21,661
but we have been losing
by less and less.
1078
01:07:21,828 --> 01:07:24,872
And I know for a fact that
their two best players have head lice.
1079
01:07:26,123 --> 01:07:28,459
I'm saying we have a chance today.
1080
01:07:29,418 --> 01:07:31,170
A chance for victory.
1081
01:07:32,296 --> 01:07:33,714
A chance for redemption.
1082
01:07:36,509 --> 01:07:37,969
Hands in.
1083
01:07:38,135 --> 01:07:40,012
Victory on three.
1084
01:07:40,179 --> 01:07:43,391
One, two, three.
Victory!
1085
01:07:47,186 --> 01:07:50,982
Great season!
You guys played your hearts out.
1086
01:07:51,148 --> 01:07:52,900
You did it.
1087
01:07:55,361 --> 01:07:58,364
Everybody is a winner.
1088
01:07:59,115 --> 01:08:01,993
We are so proud of you.
1089
01:08:02,159 --> 01:08:04,078
Next year, no scoreboard, right?
1090
01:08:04,245 --> 01:08:06,163
All right.
Here you go, honey.
1091
01:08:06,330 --> 01:08:08,082
No,no,no.
No trophies!
1092
01:08:09,250 --> 01:08:10,626
No trophies this year.
1093
01:08:10,793 --> 01:08:12,295
We always get trophies.
1094
01:08:12,461 --> 01:08:15,047
Trophies don't mean anything
unless you earn them.
1095
01:08:15,214 --> 01:08:16,924
They're just plastic junk.
1096
01:08:17,758 --> 01:08:19,135
Look.
1097
01:08:20,970 --> 01:08:22,346
No!
1098
01:08:22,513 --> 01:08:26,392
My childhood bedroom
is filled to the brim with trophies,
1099
01:08:26,559 --> 01:08:28,936
and I haven't won a thing in my life.
1100
01:08:29,103 --> 01:08:31,314
You would have to be born
already in a coma
1101
01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:33,357
to do as little with your life as I have.
1102
01:08:33,524 --> 01:08:35,902
- Excuse me.
- Stop it, stop! Listen to me.
1103
01:08:36,068 --> 01:08:37,236
Listen, guys.
1104
01:08:38,070 --> 01:08:39,071
Listen to me.
1105
01:08:40,698 --> 01:08:43,826
Now, I've spent the last
five years of my life
1106
01:08:43,993 --> 01:08:46,871
practically living
on a cum-stained couch.
1107
01:08:48,581 --> 01:08:51,667
I smoke $200 of weed a week.
1108
01:08:54,086 --> 01:08:56,088
I've been wearing the same
pair of socks for so long
1109
01:08:56,255 --> 01:08:58,716
that the fabric of the sock
has literally become one
1110
01:08:58,883 --> 01:09:00,593
with the skin of my little toe.
1111
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:03,012
And why? Why?
1112
01:09:05,222 --> 01:09:06,599
Because when I was growing up,
1113
01:09:06,766 --> 01:09:09,435
they gave me trophies for losing.
1114
01:09:09,602 --> 01:09:11,062
Do you understand what I'm saying?
1115
01:09:12,563 --> 01:09:14,649
No trophy, Sam.
1116
01:09:18,194 --> 01:09:19,987
Kwan, no trophies!
1117
01:09:20,655 --> 01:09:22,156
No trophies!
1118
01:09:22,323 --> 01:09:23,491
No trophies!
1119
01:09:41,509 --> 01:09:42,760
Thanks, Charlie.
1120
01:09:44,971 --> 01:09:47,264
Don't call me Charlie.
1121
01:09:47,431 --> 01:09:49,058
Call me Coach.
1122
01:10:03,406 --> 01:10:05,533
- This place is foul.
- I know.
1123
01:10:06,701 --> 01:10:09,036
- There's porn everywhere.
- I know.
1124
01:10:12,039 --> 01:10:14,291
Look, this is just temporary.
1125
01:10:14,458 --> 01:10:16,210
I got a good steady job now.
1126
01:10:17,503 --> 01:10:19,171
I mean, I don't want to jinx it,
1127
01:10:19,338 --> 01:10:22,508
but they're talking about
Employee of the Month.
1128
01:10:22,675 --> 01:10:25,428
I don't think that's a thing
that people do anymore.
1129
01:10:25,594 --> 01:10:27,888
It is.
And I'm gonna get it.
1130
01:10:28,055 --> 01:10:29,098
For us.
1131
01:10:35,062 --> 01:10:36,689
What I'm saying is,
it's gonna be okay.
1132
01:10:55,541 --> 01:10:57,084
Oh, Will...
1133
01:10:57,251 --> 01:10:58,544
ls this your girlfriend?
1134
01:10:58,711 --> 01:11:01,464
Jillian, this is Katherine Dunn.
1135
01:11:01,630 --> 01:11:03,549
- Hello.
- Hi, Jillian.
1136
01:11:03,716 --> 01:11:08,345
I think that Jillian
should be thanking me, don't you?
1137
01:11:08,512 --> 01:11:10,222
- Thanking you for what?
- For what?
1138
01:11:10,389 --> 01:11:12,349
For what?
1139
01:11:12,516 --> 01:11:18,147
For turning you into the responsible
little worker bee that you are.
1140
01:11:20,107 --> 01:11:22,693
- It was very nice to meet you.
- You, too.
1141
01:11:22,860 --> 01:11:24,278
Enjoy the party, dears.
1142
01:11:28,407 --> 01:11:30,493
- Wow.
- I know.
1143
01:11:30,659 --> 01:11:33,287
But she's making me Vice President.
1144
01:11:36,999 --> 01:11:40,044
All signed.
Just got to turn it in.
1145
01:11:46,133 --> 01:11:48,052
Where did you find that?
1146
01:11:48,219 --> 01:11:51,514
I called Lon Zimmet.
1147
01:11:53,140 --> 01:11:54,642
He went on and on about you,
1148
01:11:54,809 --> 01:11:57,144
and used the word "cock"
like, 1,000 times.
1149
01:11:57,311 --> 01:11:58,938
Yeah, he does that.
1150
01:12:02,566 --> 01:12:04,276
I need to say something.
1151
01:12:04,443 --> 01:12:06,195
What?
1152
01:12:09,907 --> 01:12:11,784
I'm 22 years old and I have no idea
1153
01:12:11,951 --> 01:12:14,036
what I'm gonna do
with the rest of my life.
1154
01:12:14,787 --> 01:12:17,998
And I'm fine with that.
I have a lot to offer the world,
1155
01:12:18,165 --> 01:12:21,210
and this is just the beginning,
and if you want to take a job
1156
01:12:21,377 --> 01:12:23,587
with some shady start-up company
that has nothing to offer you
1157
01:12:23,754 --> 01:12:26,423
but stock options and a dream,
then you should do that!
1158
01:12:28,008 --> 01:12:29,969
Yeah, you know,
maybe we're not all geniuses.
1159
01:12:30,136 --> 01:12:32,221
So we're not the greatest generation,
so what?
1160
01:12:32,388 --> 01:12:35,307
These are our lives,
and we're gonna make the most of 'em!
1161
01:12:40,187 --> 01:12:42,064
I love you, Jillian.
1162
01:12:47,361 --> 01:12:49,822
Come on, come on.
Don't be shy.
1163
01:13:01,542 --> 01:13:03,627
Hey, Katherine,
can I talk to you for a second?
1164
01:13:03,794 --> 01:13:04,837
Sure.
1165
01:13:05,004 --> 01:13:07,506
So, I wanted to thank you
for this opportunity.
1166
01:13:07,673 --> 01:13:11,051
- Oh, pleasure.
- But yeah, the job, it's not really for me.
1167
01:13:12,678 --> 01:13:16,182
- You're joking.
- No. I quit.
1168
01:13:18,225 --> 01:13:19,226
Wow.
1169
01:13:20,561 --> 01:13:21,812
Cocky little shit.
1170
01:13:22,730 --> 01:13:25,816
What, are you gonna go play house
with that ugly little girlfriend of yours?
1171
01:13:25,983 --> 01:13:27,193
- Maybe I will.
- Maybe you will.
1172
01:13:27,359 --> 01:13:30,696
But let me tell you something.
You won't, because you won't have a job.
1173
01:13:30,863 --> 01:13:34,575
So I want you to be prepared for what it
feels like to be on the unemployment line.
1174
01:13:34,742 --> 01:13:38,537
Because as of this moment forward,
I'm going to do everything in my power
1175
01:13:38,704 --> 01:13:41,332
to ensure that you never work
in this town again.
1176
01:13:41,415 --> 01:13:43,709
Hey, put that in your Facebook.
1177
01:14:15,115 --> 01:14:17,326
- Should I put my showcase here?
- Yeah, would you?
1178
01:14:17,409 --> 01:14:19,662
I found this working late one night,
1179
01:14:19,828 --> 01:14:23,040
and I thought it was
a good opportunity to express myself.
1180
01:14:30,381 --> 01:14:31,632
Merry Christmas.
1181
01:14:34,176 --> 01:14:35,761
Take that minotaur cock.
1182
01:14:51,235 --> 01:14:52,987
ls it tough out there?
No doubt.
1183
01:14:52,987 --> 01:14:54,738
ls it tough out there?
No doubt.
1184
01:14:56,657 --> 01:14:59,576
But we all need a job.
So, what do you do?
1185
01:15:00,244 --> 01:15:01,787
Chug, chug, chug!
1186
01:15:01,954 --> 01:15:04,290
Find the thing
that you were meant to do.
1187
01:15:06,333 --> 01:15:08,043
Work your ass off to get it.
1188
01:15:11,338 --> 01:15:13,007
Never stop believing.
1189
01:15:14,341 --> 01:15:16,176
Never quit.
1190
01:15:38,157 --> 01:15:40,576
Hello.
Skeezy D blowin' up the Internet.
1191
01:15:40,659 --> 01:15:44,163
Everybody rollin' up to me like,
"How can I roll Skeezy-style?"
1192
01:15:45,622 --> 01:15:46,999
Well, look.
1193
01:15:50,044 --> 01:15:51,837
Sweat.
1194
01:15:52,004 --> 01:15:53,839
Get your fuck on.
1195
01:15:54,715 --> 01:15:56,508
It's a dick!
1196
01:15:57,885 --> 01:16:00,262
Fucking great!
1197
01:16:01,138 --> 01:16:05,559
Will, I'd like to officially welcome you
to the Sweat team.
1198
01:16:05,726 --> 01:16:07,978
Thanks,Lon.
1199
01:16:08,145 --> 01:16:09,897
But I'm gonna have to
turn down your offer.
1200
01:16:10,064 --> 01:16:12,983
- What?
- I've started my own production company,
1201
01:16:13,150 --> 01:16:16,153
but I would be honored
to have Sweat as my first client.
1202
01:16:19,698 --> 01:16:20,741
Yeah.
1203
01:16:25,871 --> 01:16:28,957
In other words,
don't just feel special.
1204
01:16:30,459 --> 01:16:31,710
Be special.
1205
01:16:39,176 --> 01:16:42,179
Do you love your wife?
Of course you do.
1206
01:16:42,346 --> 01:16:44,098
But when she tells you
she's going shopping,
1207
01:16:44,264 --> 01:16:47,935
how do you know she's not actually
going to a sordid motel like this one?
1208
01:16:48,102 --> 01:16:49,436
- Hello, lover.
- Hello.
1209
01:16:56,902 --> 01:16:58,946
Your husband says he's working late.
1210
01:16:59,113 --> 01:17:01,490
Well, what kind of work
are we really talking about?
1211
01:17:03,826 --> 01:17:06,328
Hey, Jezebel, sin.
1212
01:17:12,251 --> 01:17:16,588
Come and join the more
than 150,000 satisfied customers
1213
01:17:16,755 --> 01:17:19,383
who have all used iStalkU.
1214
01:17:19,550 --> 01:17:21,301
Let your loved ones know you care
1215
01:17:21,468 --> 01:17:23,887
by never letting them
out of your virtual sight.
1216
01:17:31,770 --> 01:17:33,355
And cut!
1217
01:17:55,502 --> 01:17:56,628
- We got it.
- All right!